What holds us back?
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| "Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn." Marianne Williamson |
It’s taken me about 15 years to start writing a blog, around the same amount of time to begin developing a few book ideas, years more to garner the confidence to even try, and minutes before self-doubt and self-sabotage showed up when I opened my computer to begin writing!
Sharing my gifts privately, one on one with my clients, with my friends, and facilitating support groups/workshops has felt safe for me. Flowing with established trust and confidence in my abilities at this level. Being able to “manage” the energy exchange during one on one sessions or in small groups provided protection from the unforeseen threats and perceived fears of heading for more expansive, open waters in support of others and in pursuing my purpose. Oh we love our safe harbors, don’t we? I’m reminded of the quote, “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for” by William G.T. Shedd Aren’t we all “built” for so much more?
So why do we play small? Why do we hold back what longs to be expressed, from doing more and being more? What holds us back from fully actualizing our full potential? The obvious answer is fear. But fear of what? Of whom? And why? I could go in many directions with this topic as there are many contributing factors and perhaps I’ll explore other reasons another time. But what is most present to me as I am exploring this in this moment is the fear of speaking up, sharing our opinions, drawing attention to ourselves, and being vulnerable when we step out of our comfort zones.
When I was training to be a Hypnotherapist, I was taught that we are born with only two fears; the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned. I was astonished to hear that one of the top fears is public speaking which is right up there with the fear of dying! Closer examination of how the brain works showed me that fear of speaking is actually quite similar to the fear of dying. For some people, even just the thought of having to speak in front of others will trigger a fight, flight, or freeze response triggered through the limbic system in the brain which becomes activated due to a perceived threat of being at risk! You often hear people reporting after a traumatizing attempt at public speaking, “I felt like I would be eaten alive!” That’s evidence of the primal brain assessing the situation and falsely determining that the group of audience members in each respective speaking milieu just might have been a bunch of cannibals!
We can see how silly and outrageous that thought is, but the reptilian brain isn’t interested in reality nor double-checking information in fact it doesn’t think it has time, it just reacts, and then it’s game over!
The brain is not just assessing the external environment, it is sorting through the internal references it has associations with for the thing we are attempting to do and filters through that information. So, if you have any negative beliefs about yourself or have had some early experiences of being criticized or shamed, self-doubt is going to pop up. Self-doubt will bind your ideas and lock you up with self-sabotage which is a way our mind tries to keep us safe. Also, if you don’t have any reference or positive associations to what it is you are doing or attempting to do, you might feel stuck or held back.
Even with all my training, years of experience, and continual study of human behavior I often find myself in that familiar, limited space that keeps me from expanding too much. I’ve played small by letting my self-sabotaging behaviors override what my soul longs for.
The last few years of my own journey have provided painful and challenging evidence of this unconscious protective mechanism as my body began to express all that I had suppressed.
Even though I always talked to my clients about the need to honor the full expression of our experiences and potential and the real possibility that if we didn’t find our voices, our bodies would end up speaking for us…I held back!
When we get disconnected from what we know and what we do, we can seem to get lost in our own lives. In my case, I not only felt lost, stuck, and completely humbled by the realization I was not practicing all the advice and support I offered others over the years. It took health issues and the need to as I call it, “do some deep personal research” for me to find my way back, to surface again. The healing balms I offered myself to restart were mega doses of self-love, self-forgiveness, accepting myself right where I was (am), and the willingness to start again!
When we can remember that self-sabotage is trying to protect us we can work with it differently. Instead, perhaps we can imagine fearful thoughts as overzealous guards at the edge of our comfort zone warning us of the scary, unexplored unknown territory ahead of us. We can become present to them as if the comments are being offered by a family member or a not-too-friendly friend! We can pause, check in to reassure ourselves that we truly are safe, and simply respond to those thoughts by saying, "thanks for sharing but I’m clear this is the right choice for me and it's safe to move forward!" Taking action will quiet the negative messengers of fear.
But the most effective dissolver of fear is LOVE! Offering ourselves supportive, loving messages will counteract the fear take down. Loving ourselves beyond the edges of fear allows us to expand our potential, fully express what our souls are calling us to express, and builds confidence and trust within us. When we can access love and acceptance for ourselves, love will be available to respond to fear and reassure us that whatever happens, we will be okay, because we are loved and will continue to be loved…no matter what. And isn’t that all we really desire? To be loved for the very essence of who we truly are. When this is so, we can grow! Anything to add, fear? I didn’t think so.
To learn about Transformational Hypnotherapy or to contact Victoria Jazwic, please visit:
http://www.victoriajazwic.com/
https://www.facebook.com/Victoria-Jazwic-Transformational-Hypnotherapy-187428984601838/
Sharing my gifts privately, one on one with my clients, with my friends, and facilitating support groups/workshops has felt safe for me. Flowing with established trust and confidence in my abilities at this level. Being able to “manage” the energy exchange during one on one sessions or in small groups provided protection from the unforeseen threats and perceived fears of heading for more expansive, open waters in support of others and in pursuing my purpose. Oh we love our safe harbors, don’t we? I’m reminded of the quote, “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for” by William G.T. Shedd Aren’t we all “built” for so much more?
So why do we play small? Why do we hold back what longs to be expressed, from doing more and being more? What holds us back from fully actualizing our full potential? The obvious answer is fear. But fear of what? Of whom? And why? I could go in many directions with this topic as there are many contributing factors and perhaps I’ll explore other reasons another time. But what is most present to me as I am exploring this in this moment is the fear of speaking up, sharing our opinions, drawing attention to ourselves, and being vulnerable when we step out of our comfort zones.
When I was training to be a Hypnotherapist, I was taught that we are born with only two fears; the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned. I was astonished to hear that one of the top fears is public speaking which is right up there with the fear of dying! Closer examination of how the brain works showed me that fear of speaking is actually quite similar to the fear of dying. For some people, even just the thought of having to speak in front of others will trigger a fight, flight, or freeze response triggered through the limbic system in the brain which becomes activated due to a perceived threat of being at risk! You often hear people reporting after a traumatizing attempt at public speaking, “I felt like I would be eaten alive!” That’s evidence of the primal brain assessing the situation and falsely determining that the group of audience members in each respective speaking milieu just might have been a bunch of cannibals!
We can see how silly and outrageous that thought is, but the reptilian brain isn’t interested in reality nor double-checking information in fact it doesn’t think it has time, it just reacts, and then it’s game over!
The brain is not just assessing the external environment, it is sorting through the internal references it has associations with for the thing we are attempting to do and filters through that information. So, if you have any negative beliefs about yourself or have had some early experiences of being criticized or shamed, self-doubt is going to pop up. Self-doubt will bind your ideas and lock you up with self-sabotage which is a way our mind tries to keep us safe. Also, if you don’t have any reference or positive associations to what it is you are doing or attempting to do, you might feel stuck or held back.
Even with all my training, years of experience, and continual study of human behavior I often find myself in that familiar, limited space that keeps me from expanding too much. I’ve played small by letting my self-sabotaging behaviors override what my soul longs for.
The last few years of my own journey have provided painful and challenging evidence of this unconscious protective mechanism as my body began to express all that I had suppressed.
Even though I always talked to my clients about the need to honor the full expression of our experiences and potential and the real possibility that if we didn’t find our voices, our bodies would end up speaking for us…I held back!
When we get disconnected from what we know and what we do, we can seem to get lost in our own lives. In my case, I not only felt lost, stuck, and completely humbled by the realization I was not practicing all the advice and support I offered others over the years. It took health issues and the need to as I call it, “do some deep personal research” for me to find my way back, to surface again. The healing balms I offered myself to restart were mega doses of self-love, self-forgiveness, accepting myself right where I was (am), and the willingness to start again!
When we can remember that self-sabotage is trying to protect us we can work with it differently. Instead, perhaps we can imagine fearful thoughts as overzealous guards at the edge of our comfort zone warning us of the scary, unexplored unknown territory ahead of us. We can become present to them as if the comments are being offered by a family member or a not-too-friendly friend! We can pause, check in to reassure ourselves that we truly are safe, and simply respond to those thoughts by saying, "thanks for sharing but I’m clear this is the right choice for me and it's safe to move forward!" Taking action will quiet the negative messengers of fear.
But the most effective dissolver of fear is LOVE! Offering ourselves supportive, loving messages will counteract the fear take down. Loving ourselves beyond the edges of fear allows us to expand our potential, fully express what our souls are calling us to express, and builds confidence and trust within us. When we can access love and acceptance for ourselves, love will be available to respond to fear and reassure us that whatever happens, we will be okay, because we are loved and will continue to be loved…no matter what. And isn’t that all we really desire? To be loved for the very essence of who we truly are. When this is so, we can grow! Anything to add, fear? I didn’t think so.
To learn about Transformational Hypnotherapy or to contact Victoria Jazwic, please visit:
http://www.victoriajazwic.com/
https://www.facebook.com/Victoria-Jazwic-Transformational-Hypnotherapy-187428984601838/
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