When a Healer Needs Healing
Soul Musings are just that, “musings”. Not advice, just an exploration of the journey of life.
A Healer Healing...
Note: I started writing this three years ago when I could no longer ignore that my body was in crisis. At first, I thought I was just experiencing extreme compassion fatigue from years of working as a Bereavement Coordinator for hospice and facilitating support groups for a cancer center. I loved the work, but it dropped me into some very old patterns of ignoring my own needs.
It stirred up old, unaddressed grief connected to losing my parents at a young age. I began unconsciously giving from my wounds, not my gifts! It became imperative for me to take time off to rest, recover and dive deeper into my being. I’m happy to say I am doing much better now, but I am still in a process of healing. We all are in one way or another!
For many years I have experienced issues with fatigue and chronic body pain that went undiagnosed, and I kept going ignoring the communication from my body/soul. I’m still dealing with thyroid issues and chronic pain. It is a day to day challenge I meet with both hope and humble surrender, but I’m listening to and honoring my body and my soul more intently now!
When a healer is in need of healing their world collapses, well at least mine did! Slowly and undetectable at first and then rapidly, causing me to hit rock bottom with a huge thud not knowing how I got there and not being able to shift quickly back to the functioning place I used to be able to get to when challenges arose.
No, this time my body was angry, my mojo had turned to nogo, and nothing seemed to work.
No, this time my body was angry, my mojo had turned to nogo, and nothing seemed to work.
My “go to” tools, rituals, and techniques that in the past would prop me right back up to continue with my mission of being of service to others offered no help. Everything seemed to stop and even though I have committed my life to my own healing and inner work, I realized that I was in deeper, unfamiliar waters. I needed to surrender what I thought I knew, and what used to work to follow the call into deeper work, awareness, and healing.
At the center of this deeper work was a need to connect more fully to myself, to my needs, and to my ongoing unfolding. I truly didn’t recognize how very disconnected I was.
It’s truly humbling to admit the extent of my own self neglect especially because I have taught self-care classes for years!
I’m not saying that all of my physical pain and health issues were due to neglecting my needs and not taking better care of myself. That was just one aspect. Blaming oneself for where you are on your journey is never effective and sometimes things just happen. Four years of facilitating a women’s cancer support group taught me this.
Also, blaming everything that happens in your life on your beliefs can be a rabbit hole that drops you into a dark place of shame and blame. Where our beliefs are connected is always a good place to look, but not the only place. When a person steps on your foot and it hurts, your beliefs didn’t create that pain. Sometimes things just hurt because they hurt!
Judgment is never helpful, especially self-judgment! It took me a while to move out of self-judgment. How could I be struggling so? My shifting occurred when I surrendered and was willing to go back to the basics. To unhook from the preconceptions of how a healer's body and world were "supposed" to look or be. I stopped shaming and blaming myself, began to embrace and love myself more deeply, and started to honor the journey of my life, and all I've lived through more fully.
Just like neglecting our house cleaning, when you are in a pattern of self-neglect things can pile up. It will get uncomfortable inside and your body will do all it can to get your attention!
When we are attempting to heal from a weakened physical state, the dormant dragons of negative beliefs can rise again, it can feel hopeless and daunting. The last few years of witnessing my own health and vitality compromised from issues that I am still resolving have been really hard!
Hard on my usual light and joyful spirit and most especially hard for me in keeping my private practice as a Transformational Hypnotherapist going.
One of the reasons that is challenging to admit, but important to acknowledge, is that keeping my business going was difficult because due to the physical challenges I have been facing, an old core negative belief surfaced with a vengeance and took center stage in my mind. I could not escape from the feeling of being a failure and the thought of being a fraud!
How could I help others if I was unable to fully help myself? Living with chronic pain and dealing with health issues can feel more intense when you are a healer. I began to doubt my abilities in helping others and felt like such a hypocrite!
It was so challenging having to surrender to not knowing how to resolve the issues I faced. The beliefs I held blocked me from admitting that I needed to seek support for myself. The saying, “physician heal thyself” doesn’t always work and we must source compassion for ourselves and reach for what we would suggest to someone else in need!
I offer this writing as a reminder for myself and for anyone who has chronic pain or is experiencing health issues to be gentle with yourself! Befriend yourself and your body and dip into the well of compassion as often as needed. Assess your own needs and take action on what you need!
Resisting and judging what is, not only doesn’t help, but it intensifies the pain. Accepting what is allows us to move towards what can be and help us make peace with each step in the process.
For those of you who have never experienced physical issues, you may not truly understand what someone is going through unless you have gone through it. I invite you to access compassion for those who are facing physical challenges by recalling an experience in which you felt powerless, humbled, like a stranger in your own body unable to move like you used to, unable to do the things you loved to do,
and uncertain about how to rise back up. There you can get a sense of the journey with chronic pain.
and uncertain about how to rise back up. There you can get a sense of the journey with chronic pain.
As a healer needing healing, I needed to take my own advice. I needed to offer myself love, acceptance, and compassion...the medicine that restores the soul and lifts one's spirit!
I needed to reach for support, to be willing to look deeper into areas I had explored previously this time with deeper compassion, and willingness to show up for myself, my body, and my life. I needed to accept myself right where I was and my body just as it was (a continual practice!). I needed to surrender, to trust that there was nothing "wrong" and that I did not "fail". There was just more learning needed to honor the needs of my body/soul and my continual unfolding. And so I am!
To learn about Transformational Hypnotherapy or to schedule a session of support with Victoria Jazwic, please visit:
http://www.sacredsoulvision.com/
https://www.facebook.com/Victoria-Jazwic-Transformational-Hypnotherapy-187428984601838/
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