Shifting Perspectives

“No one else has access to the world you carry around within yourself; you are its custodian and entrance. No one else can see the world the way you see it. No one else can feel your life the way you feel it. Thus it is impossible to ever compare two people because each stands on such different ground. When you compare yourself to others, you are inviting envy (judgment) into your consciousness; it can be a dangerous and destructive guest.” ― John O'Donohue
 

“There are no facts, only interpretations.” Friedrich Nietzsche

I've received some private messages from friends who have noticed that I haven't been as present on FB as I have in the past. Good observation! I needed to step away and find my center. To look closer at what was making me react so strongly, to give space to the feelings of grief and disillusionment I was experiencing. I needed to get some perspective! 

I could notice, even before the election, anger and judgment arising when I read positions contrary to mine. I was tangled in the mess even though I have dedicated my life to being a transformation agent, a healer, a peacemaker, someone who values and appreciates the diversity of life choices/paths who takes pride in seeing the best in all and the good in all circumstances.

I was stuck in the muck and was not able to see clearly and wondered why others (in my opinion) were not seeing at all! 

So many questions to sort through. How did we become so divided? How could we see the world so differently? How could many of my friends that I know to be amazing human beings with hearts filled with love, select the candidate for whom I had such disdain? And most importantly, how could I forget my sense of these amazing people when faced with their choice? 

Judgment, anger and fear were brewing in me with each post I read from those supporting Trump. “How can they not see what I see in this man? How are they overlooking his cruel comments, his mocking/bullying style, his aggressive, reckless style, his self serving ideas, his treatment of women, his racist remarks.” 

My focus was becoming too narrow, I needed to step out and clear the screen through which I was viewing all that was brought to light during this election process to the best of my ability. 

This of course, is an impossible task! It's not possible to completely clear all the filters we view our worlds through that come into existence via the various life experiences we have all lived through. It is through our own journeys and the decisions we made about events that have happened in our lives that creates our unique perceptions. The filters we view the world through are structured upon our values and needs, most of which are connected to the primal need to keep ourselves safe. 

We try to make sense of what is going on in the world by viewing everything through these safety creating filters. Budging from these perceptions would mean we need to question the very foundation we have built our identities on! The foundation that we believe keeps us safe and gives us a false sense of certainty. 

Aha, there it was, the answer to many of the questions I posed. We are all viewing “what is” through our varied and unique perceptions and we aren't likely to budge. 

I had moved through my shock of the results of the election, but the sadness I felt was connected here, to the experience of being so disconnected from people I love, admire and value! 

It is disheartening to see the world so differently, isn't it? And if we can't find ways to connect with people we love and value, how can we ever expect to achieve unity? I can not change the world I am present to, but I can change me! Now the real work began, could I clear my perceptions to witness my friends who supported Trump without any judgment?

I went back on FB and made a conscious decision to read the posts from those who supported Trump trying to see through their perspectives. Okay, I'm not gonna lie...it was hard, very challenging and I had to check my judgment and focus on connecting and trying to understand! And you know what? I could. 

I read some of the statements from a neutral place and a lot of what I read were similar statements Clinton supporters had made. I was closing my own personal gap of not being able to connect to others with differing opinions and getting back to the place I most value; a view with compassion, acceptance and love. 

What I became present to is that we are all seeing what we see based on our beliefs, values, preferences and experiences and filtering out (deleting) the rest. Now I could reclaim the space that I prefer to occupy which is to honor, love and value all. I could understand, (different than agreeing with!) the positions my friends were taking. If they were sorting for what they valued, they could possibly miss the glaring concerns I had, right? They perhaps have overlooked what I (and many) have been offended by because they were filtering everything out except that which mattered most to them. 

This neutral place allowed me to redirect my anger to where it made more sense, not at my friends but at the system through which all of our perceptions, views, and values bounce off of. Now, let's look at that. 

We have a two party system. Two choices to align our most cherished values with. In addition to how we perceive what is, we hold dearly to that which we most value as important and true. Two choices sets us up for more divisiveness! (Okay, I hear my friends who voted for Jill Stein chiming in right about now! But with the system set up as it is right now, those who voted for Jill or for Bernie, threw away their vote...in my opinion! Within the confines of the two choices, we align our values to the party that best represents them, we focus there and filter everything else out. As such, we don't see the entire spectrum of issues, concerns and views of everyone else. 

And once our most valued need is met, we stop looking beyond. “Perception is created when we decide what to believe. When there’s a lot at stake, even when you want something bad enough, seek to be objective and balanced in your observations. How do two different people have such vast, differing opinions? Why does one person believe everything is fine and another think all is chaotic and out of control? Perception can be defined as what you experience and interpret through your belief filters. In other words, when you form a belief about something and don’t bother to substantiate whether what you believe is true or not, you have a perception. Our perceptions are based on what we believe is truth” Paul Call 

This also makes sense to me as to why some are protesting and some are saying, “move on!” Some perceive what they value most has been met and others are feeling let down by the system as what they value was not honored, met nor heard! So, how do we move forward? Perhaps by finding shared values and focusing there. 

Yes, we see things differently, but aren't we all just really the same? Aren't we all trying to live our best lives? Trying to make sense of a crazy world? Don't we all have a primal need to feel safe? Don't we all love to love and be loved? Can't we all agree that our political system doesn't work and it is cause for division? Wouldn't it be more helpful if we focused on building bridges to one another, instead of walls? 

Can we practice finding neutral ground together and try to build from there? Maybe in this neutral ground we could see each other and “what is” more clearly. Perhaps we can all clear our screens and choose to view through the filter of love and acceptance for all and let go of the arguing and disputing “the facts.” 

One thing I do believe, is that drawing a line in the sand and arguing on behalf of our perceptions is not ever going to shift anyone else and we will continue to remain divided. I'm not going to argue about how I experience the president elect anymore, as much as I want to continue to throw my opinions into the mix, it's not helping anything. 

People will come to their own conclusions and experiences more quickly without having to defend their position. 

How many of you have had the experience of witnessing a friend get involved with someone you sensed was not a good choice? I remember a recent time with a friend. At first I adamantly shared my opinions about him, tried to make her see what I saw. And what happened? She dove in deeper into the relationship and a gap formed in our friendship. It wasn't until I was able to just love her, and accept her choice that she was able to stop defending and just experience her chosen one for herself. In that space, she could see who he really was on her own without being distracted by defending him. 

Now, of course I have just shifted back into my perception of the president elect, but I’m willing to own that! 

Here's my hope: I hope that we find where we can connect, find things we can agree on, stop fighting, start finding solutions that work for all and remember that we are all in this together! Isn't that what “United” States means after all? And perhaps we can all agree to question our perceptions, look deeper, more honestly at what we value, what we believe and create goals of connection, not division and stand in the middle of our differences in a space filled with love and acceptance. 

Imagine what we can create from there? And for me, I am much more interested in creating, not hating. What about you?