The Road Not Taken Leads to You
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| “Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Robert Frost |
Occasionally I get taken
over by a wave of sadness that dumps me into an ocean of deep disappointment that
is often hard to surface from.
When I go
inward to investigate what’s going on, I find that it’s often connected to a part of me, I’ll
call it my “conformity part” (we all have this part by the way!) alerting me
that a breach of living may have occurred as I have veered off normal, expected
and accepted paths. It prompts me to course-correct immediately!
Only it’s not that
considerate. More often it comes with a
flood of shame or a sense of regret or sometimes loudly with one of my
permanent resident negative beliefs chiming in and shouting, “you have failed!”
I have been veering off
from normal and expected paths since I can remember. And truth be told, life veered me off
“normal” long ago having had many unexpected life events like my father leaving
when I was born, returning and then dying shortly after when I was nine and then
my mother’s death when I was 17. So, my
early life was already way off course of a normal life unfolding.
I’ve experienced a lot of
feeling different or out of place in my life as my external situations rarely
lined up with the natural trajectory that many others have taken. I started working full time at 16, I didn’t go
to college until I was 24 and ultimately didn’t get my career started until I
was 35. I never had kids and just recently
got engaged in my 50’s to someone younger than me. That’s at least 5 deviations
from traditional paths and those are just the major highlights!
My personal world has unfolded
by not taking the tried and true societal channels and paths of creating a
life. I’d love to claim that I was
always a natural trailblazer. It’s more accurate to say that many of my choices
were default choices that came from just trying to survive and from a practice
of surrendering my journey, attempting to follow God’s plan for me and doing
my best to listen to the call of my own soul.
Finding my place in the world has often felt like trying to fit a round peg into a square box combined
with the feeling of arriving late to a party where many of the guests are successful,
accomplished people who appear to have had a map to life that I did not
receive.
My unconventional path
has been due in part to having a wobbly start, being a late bloomer (still
blooming!), having to create my own foundation and map to follow. It took years
to cultivate the courage, acceptance, and willingness to honor the rhythm of my
own heart as much as I've felt the pull of wanting to dance to what everyone else was dancing to...it turns out I’m a freestyler!
Our unique journeys can
trigger a feeling of not fitting in which can
create a greater longing to find a true soul call. It feels reminiscent of a kid not being picked
to be on a team only to realize that they weren’t interested in that sport
anyway.
We have spoon-fed ideas early
on about what is acceptable and what is not. First by viewing how our primary
caregivers responded to us (or didn’t) when we were bringing our authentic desires
and ways of being forward.
perceived or real, we tend to shift and conform to what
feels more acceptable. We continue shutting down natural inclinations connected
to who we truly are when we receive external cues from peers, teachers, bosses,
etc. that signals we are at risk of not fitting in unless we quickly conform. So, we often sacrifice our true desires to do just that...conform.
We get lots of messages as
we develop either directly or indirectly that set up unconscious roadblocks
to paths, our souls may want us to travel, but our society prefers that we
don’t. We get in line, like factory
workers clocking in to do what we think we are supposed to do, rather than
feeling free to do what we are here to do and to be who we truly are!
It’s as if we go through a
life “factory” that moves us along on conveyor belts in which we are carefully
inspected to make sure we meet the current cultural standards and expectations
at every stage of life.
We are also programmed
within that factory with “best if used by” dates that get wired into us and alerts
us during specific times of our lives to fall in line. Like declaring what you plan
to do with your life and deciding on a major in college before you have any
idea of who you really are, getting married right after college at 22, to
someone your age or three years older (that seemed to be the appropriate age
difference I absorbed into my “normal” file as the “most preferable”), babies
before 30 and many other cultural “expiration dates” on life
possibilities.
All deviations come with
internal and external subtle and not so subtle warnings and reactions when one
has veered off designated culturally accepted paths: “Warning not taking
traditional paths may result in acute self-doubt, second-guessing with long term
residual effects of regret!”
The external warnings one
may experience can come from well-meaning people who question choices that are “unusual”
like, “why don’t you have kids” or “why aren’t you married”. These questions, of course, can be pure
curiosity. But they can also unknowingly intimate judgment and, in some cases, may
even come across as an assessment of success in relation to normal standards of
living.
We have a long way to go
in our society in practicing acceptance and in embracing our own and other’s
uniqueness. There is a collective albeit
mostly unconscious agreement within us and in our society that pushes us back
into conformity and away from the call of our unique paths.
I personally
have long admired those who went as I call it “off-roading” on their journeys
instead of taking the safe, predictable routes as well as those who natural fit
and succeeded within the traditional routes! However, it was always the stories of
maverick trailblazers that kept me company and championed me through my
eccentric and unconventional choices especially when doubt and fear would creep in!
Learning to offer
myself the same acceptance and admiration I offered those who traveled off the
beaten path before me has made all the difference for me. There is great peace in fully choosing what
you have chosen!
So, here’s to
all of us who have honored an authentic desire from our souls and stepped out
of the comfort zone of conformity to create our own unique and beautiful lives!
We must remember as we continue to
unfold our lives, our potential, and our unique purposes that the more we love
and accept our journeys, our choices and ourselves, the more joyful and
rewarding the journey is.
As we give
ourselves permission to take the road less traveled, the more we teach others that
to conform is no longer the norm!
Peace and joy
on your unfolding journey!
Soul Musings are just that, “musings”. Not advice, just an exploration of my own journey with some transformational concepts sprinkled in to support others along the way!
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